For all the evil deeds I have done in the past,
Created by my body, speech and mind,
From Beginningless greed, hatred and delusion,
I now know shame and repent them all.
Traditional Repentance Verse from "The Practices & Vows of Samantabadra Bodhisattva" (Avatamsaka Sutra, Chapter 40)
The more that I read and study, the more questions arise: where does introspection cross the line from reviewing one’s past in order to go forward and when and where does the self-introspection of past deeds become simply another form of self-centeredness?
In looking back, it is hard not to be stymied by guilt, hijacked into self-centeredness in going over and over past events. The words that helped (aside from the Repentance Verse) were these words from Ven. Thubten Chodron, from one of her books, Cultivating a Compassionate Heart: The Yoga Method of Chenrezig: " Guilt and shame are obstacles to overcome on the path, because they keep us trapped in our self-centered melodrama entitled "How Bad I Am." Regret, on the other hand, realizes that we erred, leads us to purify, and motivates us to refrain from acting like that in the future.
How do we counteract guilt and shame? One way is to recognize that the person who did that action no longer exists. You are different now. Is the person who did that action five years ago the same person you are now? If she were exactly the same person, you would still be doing the same action. The present "you" exists in a continuum from that person, but is not exactly the same as her. Look back at the person you were with compassion. You can understand the suffering and confusion she was experiencing that made her act in that way."
I know I am not the same person, in fact sometimes I feel as if there are at least 10 versions of the person that inhabits this space, this body. Looking back at the past in meditation presents some aspects of this being that it are hard to recognize. The thought that the person who did the action no longer exists is a the beginning of knowing that one can have compassion for themselves as one has compassion for all other beings.
In looking back, it is hard not to be stymied by guilt, hijacked into self-centeredness in going over and over past events. The words that helped (aside from the Repentance Verse) were these words from Ven. Thubten Chodron, from one of her books, Cultivating a Compassionate Heart: The Yoga Method of Chenrezig: " Guilt and shame are obstacles to overcome on the path, because they keep us trapped in our self-centered melodrama entitled "How Bad I Am." Regret, on the other hand, realizes that we erred, leads us to purify, and motivates us to refrain from acting like that in the future.
How do we counteract guilt and shame? One way is to recognize that the person who did that action no longer exists. You are different now. Is the person who did that action five years ago the same person you are now? If she were exactly the same person, you would still be doing the same action. The present "you" exists in a continuum from that person, but is not exactly the same as her. Look back at the person you were with compassion. You can understand the suffering and confusion she was experiencing that made her act in that way."
I know I am not the same person, in fact sometimes I feel as if there are at least 10 versions of the person that inhabits this space, this body. Looking back at the past in meditation presents some aspects of this being that it are hard to recognize. The thought that the person who did the action no longer exists is a the beginning of knowing that one can have compassion for themselves as one has compassion for all other beings.
No comments:
Post a Comment